Lynnies recovery story of to Hell and Back!!!

My D.O.S. is October 20, 1994 and I won't forget that date as it's my daughter-in-laws birthday, as well as my sober date, and I need to always remember it, and what I can have back very quickly. I put down the bottle for 15 months on my own before that, but that isn't where I take my sobriety from cos I learnt that I was just a 'dry drunk' for those first 15 months, and they were the worst 15 months of my life, I found out what the insanity of my disease was all about, and I don’t recommend to anyone to try to stay sober on their own. I yelled out one day “what more do I have to do, I’m not drinking but everything is getting worse” … I thought I just had to stop drinking and everything would be fine.

I grew up in a household where there were a lot of drunks, lots of parties, but I had never heard the words 'alcoholic' or 'alcoholism' .. just a lot of drunks, and I grew up the same as I've heard so many share, I didn't fit in, wasn't good enuf, not as good as, etc., etc. It is still difficult for me to share today as I was told by my mother, every single day, to 'sit down, shut up, speak when you're spoken to, and who would want to hear what you have to say anyway' so I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut; some wish today that I would do that, lol, only jokin'!

There was every kind of abuse done to me as I was growing up and I was too damned stubborn and pig-headed to give in, and I'm very grateful for that today; those 2 defects, or whatever you want to call them, have stood me in good stead many a time, and still do today, so I'm not giving them up, lol

I saw 3 suicides, an uncle put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, my grandfather walked into a river because he couldn’t go on the way he was, and 1 homicide (my brother-in-law was killed by a bouncer in a pub), and 3 ended up with a wet brain and these are all in my immediate family, and I was never going to end up like they did, well, helloooooo, guess what???? I did. So before I got to the rooms of AA I had lots of pity party's, lots of pour me's, but today I don't lay any blame at anyone's feet, none of my family poured the booze down my neck, I did it.

I loved everything about drinking, the taste, the smell, the environment, everything about it and it made me feel like I fitted in somewhere, at last. I drank copius amounts of booze, I drank like the men and more than a lot of them, and I know today that it doesn't matter how much I drank, or what I drank, it's what it did to me, and that wasn't too much fun at all; I seemed to identify with men so much more than women. And I really didn’t care too much if a man was married or not, my morals had gone out the window by that stage, and I’m not proud of that, I’m not proud of many things I did whilst drunk, in a blackout, whatever.

The day of my wedding we had to lock my future mother-in-law in the house so she would at least be sober for the wedding and the start of the reception, but the crazy part of all that was that I ended up so drunk at our wedding reception that my husband had 2 drunk women to contend with, I went to the toilet and fell asleep on it and I lost my shoes, to this day I still don’t know what happened to my wedding shoes, what a wonderful way to start a marriage! I am very blessed today that Bill stuck by me, (both of his parent’s died active alcoholics, and he has a brother and a sister still active today) I put him thru hell for all but the last 10 years of our marriage, bless him. When I look back on these things today I can surely see the insanity of my disease.

I nearly killed my son when he was 9, I was going to buy more booze and I took him with me and I rolled the car, you know, even that didn't stop me. I’d been drinking all day and I panicked that I would run out before morning; my son sometimes reminds me of that accident.

Blackouts were a very early part of my drinking but I didn't know what they were then, and I had a lot of 'brownouts' where I could remember a little of the night before, but not all of it, so I would have to play the 20 questions game the next day with my family. How did I get home, if I got home, where did I leave my car, was it still in one piece, had I killed or hurt anyone, and a lot of the time I drove drunk; I said I would never drive drunk with my kids in the car, well that was just another Y.,E.T. for me. In 1962 I was in a serious car accident, my car was hit head-on by a drunk driver, (isn’t that ironic), he was on the wrong side of the road, and he got 2 tiny scratches on his cheek, and I’m still having big problems as a result of that accident. What really amazed me was how could I possibly drive drunk knowing the consequences of that drunk driver who hit me.

I became a total embarrassment to my family, and to myself, the invitations stopped coming because of my disgusting behaviour when I drank, and I didn't know anything about the first drink, I always thought it was the one at 4 o'clock in the morning that got me into trouble! I always told myself that when the tip of my nose goes numb it’s time to stop, but by the time that happened I was gone for all money!

We had a swimming pool when my kids were at school and on a hot day they would bring friends home for a swim, and there were wine cask bladders floating in the pool, and these kids would ask mine “what are these things” and my kids would say “oph, they’re our floaties” and they thought nothing of it …. I don’t know of too many social drinkers who use wine cask bladders for their kids’ floaties!

I became very arrogant and argumentative and I would rather have a fight than a feed, as they say here, and I knew everything about everything when I got here, you just ask me and I'll tell you! Oh boy, is that different today, I learn something new every day now and I love it.

I went to Al-Anon, because of all the alkies in my family you must understand, I didn't have a problem, noooooooo not me, lol, well, I'm a slow learner cos after 8 years in Al-Anon I jumped the fence, or came in the back door to Alcoholics Anonymous, which ever, and I knew that I was at last, in the right place, and I intend on staying here. I went to al-anon meetings drunk but no one ever told me not to come back. I was told not to come back by plenty of others tho.

Like I said, I thought because I had the Al-Anon program I could stop drinking by myself, and I do not recommend that to anyone, they were the worst 15 months of my life, ever; one day I was at my neighbour's house for a B.B.Q. and I was 2 inches away from a drink, I actually took the glass out of her hand and I was going to smell it and I would tell her if she was drinking a good red, or a bad red, and the penny dropped for me, I removed myself quickly, went home and got myself to my first official AA meeting. Heaven's above, when I was drinking there was no such thing as a 'bad red' .. another lesson in the insanity of my disease.

I’d gone away to a lot of anniversary w/ends, round-ups, and I always found myself sitting in the open aa meetings, and I felt very comfortable, in fact, they were the only

times I’d felt comfortable for a very long time….that should’ve told me something.

It was at one of those weekends that I said out aloud that I may have a problem with the booze, not that I did, just maybe, and the person I said that to became my first sponsor, and she told me, “well lynnie, you’ll do until a real one comes along!”

And the fear that came over me was overwhelming, I thought what am I going to do now, stupid, you’ve gone and told someone, now you’ll have to do something about your drinking!”

And I thought ‘how can I possibly live the rest of my life without drinking?’ and she said, ‘you don’t, you only have to do it for one day.’ And I couldn’t get my head around that concept. I was in real trouble physically, liver, pancreatitis, etc., was being to rushed to hospital by ambulance and I couldn’t be honest with the doctors … I couldn’t be honest with anyone, and I couldn’t count!.

I learnt how to live one day at a time without a drink, I didn’t believe that was possible. I got a sponsor, she took me thru the big book, showed me how to do the steps and I continue doing the steps each day; I did service work and still do…. I started off doing service work on the end of a tea towel, I was told that a lot of sobriety came via the end of a tea towel.

I learnt that I am totally powerless over people, places and things.

My life today is unbelievable, even with the family stuff with my daughter, it's still wonderful and I'm a very happy customer in this fellowship, thank you a.a. for my sobriety, and for teaching me how to have an open mind, cos that’s what I needed to look at the spiritual part of this amazing program …. I certainly didn’t want to know anything about god when I got here.

Today I am reliable, I am trusted and 2 of my 3 grandkids have never seen their grandma drunk, and the eldest was too young, she doesn’t remember, thank goodness, and she knows all about the fellowship, I took her to meetings with me, and I also took my eldest grandson with me, when I could still get to f2f meetings, and when he’s here with me and I’m in the meeting, he says the serenity prayer, so they know where the help is should they ever need it.

I am very committed to this group, aaustralia, and I’ve made some wonderful friendships in the fellowship.



Thank you A.A. for my sobriety.
Lynnie - Victoria Australia